Matt Hoover
Before we being, a quick note. There's only going to be 8 people listed. You wanted 10? Tough shit. You want me to change the title? Tough shit. As we all scramble to fill out our brackets and deciding which Atlantin 10 team we'll regret putting in our Final Four in about two weeks, there are plenty of things to keep in mind. An example of something NOT to keep in mind is Tom Crean's hair, which probably confuses and frustrates you even more than the Midwest Region. But regardless, here's how I've ranked the top 8 hairdos in college hoops this year....
8) Tom Izzo
I feel as if more people should be talking about this. The dude slicks back his hair. Everyone is so quick to point out that Izzo always has his teams playing best in March, but what about his hair? Can his hair get any love? It's not as memorable as some other dos on our list, but its still not bad...
7) Ryan Kelly
A familiar face on Out of Our League, Mr. Kelly's moppy combover/horrible beard combination is fantastic and further cements his legacy as the ultimate soft, unathletic white person. And as a soft, unathletic white person, I am loving every minute of it.
6) Tom Crean
Oh, wait. Sorry. Wrong picture....
I'd love to hear the story behind college basketball's most notorious center-part. Center parts often mark the beginning of a marginalized social life for middle school girls, but in the case of Indiana basketball, the center part has marked the beginning of new life. Respect to Tom Cream for that. He's a role model for awkward 6th grade girls everywhere.
5) Kevin Young
Classic. There's not really much to say that isn't already said by Mr. Young's fro itself. But speaking of Kevin Young, there are really alot of athletes by the name of Young, aren't there. You got Kevin, Vince, Delmin, Michael, Brigham, Cy, Dimitri, and probably several others. What happens when they hit 40? Do they change their name to Old?! But yeah moving right along....
4) Cody Ellis
Some people aren't fans of the blue streak, but I fall firmly into the pro-blue streak camp. Ellis's St. Louis team is going to be an extremely sexy pick as more and more people fill out their brackets this year. For Ellis's sake, they better make some noise. It's not okay to have a blue streak in your hair unless you're on a good team.
3) Mike Bruesewitz
Some people will probably argue that Bruesewitz needs to be moved up (or down, depending on your perspective, I guess), but I like Mike where he is. His ginger Jewfro, along with desiring seasonal Starbucks beverages and bumping into acquaintances at Whole Foods, provides modern, middle class, suburban white people with a sense of comradery We really mond over people like Bruesewitz. He provides us with a sense of identity.
2) Jordair Jett
If anyone wasn't already high on St. Louis, I'm sure seeing not one but TWO Billikens on my list will make you think long and hard about the Midwest Region (or as I like to call it, the Region of Death. Seriously, the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 games in the Midwest might end up being better than the Final 4). Jordair Jett, in addition to having a wonderful, alliterative name, has awesome hair. He looks kind of like a pirate or something. If you imagine him dressed in raggy clothes with an eyepatch, a curved, one-handed sword, and some gold teeth, he wouldn't look out of place on the Black Pearl. That's a good thing, if you ask me.
1) Kelly Olynyk
Who were you expecting? Despite Derek's shot at him a few posts ago (in which he suggested that Olynyk check out Bobbie Thomas's fantastic new book, The Power of Style: Everything You Need to Know Before You Get Dressed Tomorrow, available for pre-order now!), I'm sure deep down we all agree that there's no touching Olynyk in the hair department. This is a safe, boring pick for the top of the list, but it's the correct pick. Olynyk, which I'm told translates to "the God of Flow" in Greek, is a monster on many, many levels. It'll be interesting to see if his locks can carry Gonzaga to and through the second weekend. Should be a fun ride.
That's all I got for now. When you finish up filling out your brackets, be sure to head over to ESPN and sign up for the Out Of Our League Bracket Challenge. Free to enter, and there may be prizes involved. I'm thinking an autographed picture of Derek and I or something. Maybe lunch if we like you. It's up in the air, but it's like 60/40 there's some sort of prize. So sign up.
Classic. There's not really much to say that isn't already said by Mr. Young's fro itself. But speaking of Kevin Young, there are really alot of athletes by the name of Young, aren't there. You got Kevin, Vince, Delmin, Michael, Brigham, Cy, Dimitri, and probably several others. What happens when they hit 40? Do they change their name to Old?! But yeah moving right along....
4) Cody Ellis
Some people aren't fans of the blue streak, but I fall firmly into the pro-blue streak camp. Ellis's St. Louis team is going to be an extremely sexy pick as more and more people fill out their brackets this year. For Ellis's sake, they better make some noise. It's not okay to have a blue streak in your hair unless you're on a good team.
3) Mike Bruesewitz
Some people will probably argue that Bruesewitz needs to be moved up (or down, depending on your perspective, I guess), but I like Mike where he is. His ginger Jewfro, along with desiring seasonal Starbucks beverages and bumping into acquaintances at Whole Foods, provides modern, middle class, suburban white people with a sense of comradery We really mond over people like Bruesewitz. He provides us with a sense of identity.
2) Jordair Jett
If anyone wasn't already high on St. Louis, I'm sure seeing not one but TWO Billikens on my list will make you think long and hard about the Midwest Region (or as I like to call it, the Region of Death. Seriously, the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 games in the Midwest might end up being better than the Final 4). Jordair Jett, in addition to having a wonderful, alliterative name, has awesome hair. He looks kind of like a pirate or something. If you imagine him dressed in raggy clothes with an eyepatch, a curved, one-handed sword, and some gold teeth, he wouldn't look out of place on the Black Pearl. That's a good thing, if you ask me.
1) Kelly Olynyk
That's all I got for now. When you finish up filling out your brackets, be sure to head over to ESPN and sign up for the Out Of Our League Bracket Challenge. Free to enter, and there may be prizes involved. I'm thinking an autographed picture of Derek and I or something. Maybe lunch if we like you. It's up in the air, but it's like 60/40 there's some sort of prize. So sign up.
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