Matt Hoover
We may be doing this a
little later than most “best of 2012” stuff came out, but we’ve been busy. So
everybody relax; we are still doing the blog. Now without further adieu, I
present my year-end power rankings: 2012 edition:
10. The Jets’ QB Corps
They were horrible.
There is no question that they were absolutely God-awful at football. If there
is a quarterback who played for the Jets this year that isn’t currently on
suicide watch, then he did not take his job seriously enough. But while they
gave new meaning to the phrase “blowing ass,” no other group in sports was more
productive on Twitter. It seemed like every night there was a new Jets
Quarterback joke that made me chuckle. The chuckle factor allows Sanchez,
Tebow, and co. to just barely squeak into the top 10.
9. Anthony Davis
While there were few
moments that made my blood boil more than Kentucky’s coronation as NCAA
Tournament champions in April, so much good came out of The Brow’s tenure at
Kentucky. Firstly, I got to watch one of the greatest defenders in the history
of college basketball do his thing. Secondly, he set the bar so high for future
Kentucky freshman that virtually every single one of them from now until the
end of time will enter the season overrated. Thirdly, he and Michael
Kidd-Gilchrest somehow tricked a large number of people into thinking that
Calipari can coach defense. The current Kentucky team is living proof that he
can’t. Thank you, Anthony Davis, for setting Kentucky up for disappointment in
the future.
8. Ernie Els
For me, Ernie Els’s win
at the 2012 Open edges out R.A. Dickey’s season as the best old guy performance
of 2012. The Big Easy not only mounted an impressive comeback on Sunday but
also helped to block Tiger Woods from winning a major tournament. I hate Tiger
Woods, by the way. I don’t know if I ever wrote that on the blog before, but
let it be known that I hate Tiger Woods. If you like Tiger Woods, you hate
golf. Ernie is, in many ways, the anti-Tiger.
7. The Replacement Refs
Just because I love
when everyone gets angry and no one was better at making people angry in 2012
than these guys.
6. Gary Bettman
Gary Bettman is on here
partially for the same reason as the replacement refs. He also gave me yet
another excuse to not start following hockey and has essentially reprieved me
of having to write about the NHL on here for awhile.
5. Carlos Ruiz
Pretty much the lone
bright spot on the spectacularly mediocre Phillies team of 2012, Chooch
provided many of us Phillies fans with a reason to tune into games occasionally
this year after we had lost all hope. He saved his best performance for last,
though, as he racked up a 25 game suspension for testing positive for an
amphetamine. This incident breathed new life into my longtime (and seemingly
more absurd by the year) belief that there is still no way Carlos Ruiz should
be starting over Chris Coste.
4. Rick Pitino
The only old Italian
scumbag basketball coach that belongs on any “best of 2012” list is Rick
Pitino. Following an extremely entertaining run in to the Final Four in March,
Pitino returned virtually everybody for his current campaign, which has already
proved to be an entertaining one. Pitino’s March run proved that he is still
one of the best coaches in college basketball. He finds ways to win, and no one
is better at adjusting to other teams mid-game. Don’t be surprised to find Rick
the Brick on my year-end 2013 list as well.
3. Missy Franklin
Is she as flat-out
attractive as Alex Morgan? No. Is she as nimble as a gymnast? Probably not. But
it wasn’t Morgan or a gymnast that was my obligatory US Summer Olympic Team
crush this time around. Missy Franklin captured my heart by being very good at
what she does, having both a pleasant smile and pleasant demeanor, and being
over six feet tall. As a short person (coming in at 5’5”), one of my life goals
is to have relations with a woman who is 6 feet tall. Missy Franklin (6’1”) meets
that criteria and is an all around pleasant young woman. Missy, if you ever read
this, hit me up. I won’t have other plans.
2. The Eagles’
Offensive Line
Like the Jets’
quarterbacks, they were woefully, woefully bad, but they essentially ended
Michael Vick’s career in Philadelphia, which makes me one step closer to being
able to root for the Eagles again. Michael Vick is in the same category as John
Calipari and Tiger Woods in my book for those of you who do not know me. I’m
happy that he won’t be back in my city (yes, my city) nest year. Now, the only
thing preventing me from rejoining the Eagles’s fanbase is the self-respect
that comes with not wanting to be a part of the most moronic and annoying
fanbase in all of professional sports (with the possible, possible, exception of the Boston Red Sox’s fanbase). My hatred for
Eagles (and Red Sox) fans is a different story for a different time, though.
For now, thank you, Eagles’ o-line, for being terrible.
1. Buck Showalter
Anyone who follows me
on Twitter should have seen this one coming a mile ago. 2012 was the year of
Buck. No one came even close to capturing my heart and imagination as much as
Buck and his 2012 Orioles did this past year. Magical enough to come out of
nowhere and make the playoffs for the first time in forever, yet human enough
to fall short at the end, the Orioles embodied the essence of all that is good
in baseball. America’s pastime never disappoints, and in 2012, Buck Showalter
was the face of the game for me and for so many others. So buck what you heard.
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