Dear Ryan Kelly,
I’m not trying to be
trendy by writing you this letter. Anyone that I discuss college basketball
with will back me up when I say that I’ve been on your bandwagon for years. I
believe your sophomore year was the first time I referred to you as Christian
Laettner version 2.0. Out of everyone in the world that has absolutely no
legitimate affiliation with you, I’ve probably been your biggest fan over the
last 3 years or so.
After tonight, though,
I have to apologize for comparing you to the lowly Christian Laettner; you’re
another animal entirely. I may be getting a little to excited if I were to
declare you the greatest athlete of all time, so, for now, I will settle for
declaring you the greatest college basketball player this side of Lew Alcindor.
This seems reasonable. It’s not every day (or ever, really) that a basketball
player comes along who is his team’s best three-point shooter and leader in
blocks per game. You’re a freak of nature.
Also, nothing about you
makes sense at all. Look
at you, for Christ’s sake. It’s a small miracle that someone who looks like
you is playing basketball and not selling used cars in the first place. What
position do you play? Are you actually a power forward? That’s what you’re
officially listed as. It's always seemed to me that you’re one of the all-time
greatest 2 guards in the history of the sport, though. Which is it? Is there an
answer? Who are you, Ryan Kelly?
After your sudden
reemergence after missing the last 13 games and your absurd, 36 point, 7
rebound, 7 of 9 from 3 performance against Miami tonight, I have a new theory.
It’s all starting to make sense now, Mr. Kelly. I’m on to you. The hair. The
beard. The seemingly God-like abilities on the court. Are you Jesus Christ,
come again? You can be honest with me. It’ll be our little secret. I’ve always
though of Jesus as a sort of genie on steroids, so in case I’m right about you
being the Messiah and the Messiah being a type of genie, I’m going to ask you
for a wish. There have been points in the last 8 hours or so since the Miami
game began that I’ve been tempted to say that YOU have done the impossible and
supplanted JJ Redick as my all-time favorite Duke Blue Devil. With that in
mind, I wish that you do something so ridiculously absurd, even more so than
what you did tonight, that I will have no choice but to concede that you are my
all-time favorite Duke Blue Devil. Ideally, your absurdity would help propel
Duke to victory as it did tonight. But honestly, at this point, I’m just as
concerned with your own, personal legacy as I am with this Duke team’s legacy.
I was at work last
night when I received a notification on my phone that you were playing tonight.
I was lucky that I was in the back and that no one important was around because
I started screaming and hitting objects in excitement. You turned a bad day
into one of the best I’ve had in awhile. Thank you, Ryan Kelly. You continue to
inspire me on countless levels. I wish you nothing but the best and continued
success. You'll always be my favorite 7-foot shooting guard. Now, onwards to Atlanta!
Sincerely,
Matt Hoover
No comments:
Post a Comment